Another 27-year-old non-binary person, who asked to remain anonymous for privacy reasons, also hesitated before getting top surgery because of lack of readily-available information about non-binary top surgery without testosterone. Whatever I thought I was getting into, I had failed to contend with the fleshy reality. As a survivor of both cancer and accidental dismemberment (necessary mastectomy; + left a finger on a fence years ago) I understand viscerally the grief and loss that can accompany a permanent change in the body. My sutures oozed blood, my abdomen was swollen and grotesque. But I persisted, and bolstered my belief by reading happy stories of post-op trans people. It was freedom from binding, it was the first step to truly, powerfully reshaping my body with my own will. For instance, while "mastectomy" might hint at illness or chronic disease, "top surgery" is a more inclusive umbrella term for different ways of masculinizing a chest. Thats me! Except it wasnt my procedure. That isnt me. Xtra is an online magazine and community platform covering LGBTQ2S+ culture, politics and health. But after binding my chest for the past four years, the tightness of the bandages also felt comfortingly familiar. 2020 Feb 6. For evidence, pick up practically any published magazine. Its supposed to help you pass as a man or be androgynous. . Dr. Sidhbh Gallagher's . (Eventually the desire to have a proper shower won out over my anxiety.). My scars were treated with glue instead of traditional stitches, which meant I was medically cleared to take a shower as soon as the day after I got out of the hospital, but it took almost two weeks before I felt comfortable keeping my bandages off long enough to actually do it. No matter their gender identity, all top surgery patients should perform regular breast and chest self-exams before and after surgery. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I transitioned ftm when I was 12, started hormones at 15, and got top surgery at 18. I had two opposing experts telling me yes, I would and no, I would not. What my insurer gave me, however, was absolute confusion. I was terrified I wasnt healing properly. My top surgery was a long time coming. When she came back on the line, she said, For those without medical contradiction [the rep meant contraindication here] to hormonal therapy, 12 continuous months of hormone therapy is required. What does that mean? I asked, frustrated. And while gender dysphoria an sense of discomfort with physical characteristics that your body has or lacks isnt a universal trans experience, transmasculine people with varying levels of dysphoria may consider pursuing testosterone treatments or top surgery in order to help. I knew I was lucky to have so many supportive people in my life, but it felt like everyone I talked to wanted to congratulate me and ask how I was doing. But, as far as my insurance provider was concerned, I am undergoing a FTM procedure. I dont know why the gender nonconforming affirmation surgical designation doesnt exist, much like how gender nonconforming is a sort of afterthought even with WPATHs protocols. I understand why they didnt; I felt vulnerable too! Part of me wishes that the age minimum to get top surgery was 20, cause then Id have not gotten it. Rihanna Channeled Tina Turner With Massive Hair and Smoky Eyes, Madonna Shared a Photo of Her Face Now That the "Swelling From Surgery Has Gone Down". "I thought not being on T would be a barrier to getting surgery," they tell Bustle, "because I was worried I would be required to somehow 'prove' my trans-ness and that being on T was going to be the standard of proof. Its a great balm. Sending you good vibes. I didnt expect to feel terrifyingly lonely. "All surgery should be artistic and beautifully done," says Marci Bowers, a pelvic and gynecologic surgeon based in Burlingame, California, and the first openly transgender woman to perform gender-affirming surgery. My binder was never tight enough for me. I got stabbed. Over the next couple of decades, I tested several other binding methods: Sometimes I doubled up on sports bras, or Id wear one sports bra forward, the other backward. (That said, it is also worth noting that the word "masculinizing" may be unwelcome verbiage for some nonbinary people.) What does it mean to be yourself, now? 8. No matter what I did, my breasts were still there. Subscribe to Must Reads. In the Venn diagram of chest reshaping procedures, the overlap between the two surgeries is significant. Surgery is not a treatment for body dysmorphia, because the issue is with perception, not reality. Three non-binary people, two of whom are not on testosterone, spoke to Bustle about their decisions to get top surgery. It can be dangerous for people with body dysmorphia to get access to surgery, because typically, surgery cannot satisfy dysmorphic thinking. Things like going to the beach that used to be painful and anxiety-inducing now finally feel fun and exciting, like they should. But none have impacted me so indelibly, or caused as profound regret, as my 2017 decision to transition FTM: female-to-male. Robertson, Sally. I'm glad you are you, even if you had to come through fire on your way. Chinnapong/Shutterstock. 'To everyone that said my breasts are huge / too big, you hurt my feelings. Each Zodiac Sign's Unique Personality Traits, Jennifer Lopez Got a New Hair Color, and It's Not the One I Expected, Your March 2023 Monthly Horoscope Predictions Are Here, The Joys of Getting Breast Reduction Surgery. Some state leaders oppose such procedures for minors. For those with gender dysphoria who are considering surgery, top surgery is often more in line with their aesthetic goals, as the technique prevents the side concavity and leaves some tissue that fills out the shadow or little fold in that area. There are slight variations," she explains. But once I got the surgery, I found out for myself. A subreddit for people of every stripe who feel that they don't fit into a preference-binary or gender-binary culture. Dr. Amir Dorafshar. To a large extent, you have to find your own way out of the wilderness. Even when I was feeling at my worst, I didnt actually think that I had made the wrong decision or that I would regret having the surgery. Its definitely an investment the surgery itself is fairly intrusive and if you have to pay out of pocket, it can cost easily over $10,000. . When I realized that being a trans man wasnt what I wanted anymore, I fell into despair. Courtney is pictured . This document addresses gender affirming surgery (also known as sex affirmation surgery, gender or sex reassignment surgery, gender or sex confirmation surgery). Youre not alone. Initially, I didnt intend to use my insurance for the surgery. How many 64-year-olds do you know who can make such a solid plastic surgery joke? Luckily, time has a tendency to heal physical wounds. I identify as non-binary because, well, Ive always considered myself non-binarythough I didnt know about the proper distinction in my youth. Send your story description to pitch@huffpost.com. I stopped T, and then my hormone-dampened sadness came flooding back. But I was terrified to say anything that might make people, even my friends. To call top surgery cosmetic or elective demonstrates a misunderstanding of gender dysphoria, which I will now explain. I learn something new every daydid not require 12 continuous months of hormone therapy to qualify for insurance coverage. During our brief pre-op consultation, my surgeon said that this was an easy surgery. Tosh, of course, told me 92 times that it was not. Otherwise, augmenting other feminine things about you can offset feeling too masculine from top surgery. I'm just saying that wanting to be the opposite gender, and/or struggling with things specific to your gender is a pretty symptom of the human condition. The transgender communitys main message is there is no single way to be a woman, a man, or neither. For me, top surgery is an important step in enabling me to inhabit my body more comfortably. In my later adolescent years, I switched to using less cumbersome electrical tapethough doing so left me with a few nasty open wounds which later scarred. says Bowers. My chest didnt feel at all natural. Any absence of social support, including a dehumanizing experience with the medical industry, can increase the likelihood of self-harm. I tell patients that words like 'nipple' and 'areola' are normal, everyone has them. I finally scheduled a top surgery consult today! There was a cake with a post-op photo of me, and they brought a bubble level, gleefully measuring how flat I was now. Adrian is a 21-year-old transmasculine enby (a term for a non-binary person that doesn't overlap with the Black activist term NB, which is used to refer to non-Black people of color). As someone who had lived as a happy tomboy from toddlerhood on, I felt betrayed by my body. Focusing on anatomy is universal.". Bowers recommends that any prospective patient looks for a surgeon who has made a point of being affirming. So, after a week or so spent mulling my options, I nixed my sans-insurance surgery plans and opted to go with insurance instead. But the surgery itself was also a hard experience that was made even harder because I wasnt prepared for it. Non-binary individuals may identify as genderqueer, agender (without gender), bigender, or more. It is vital for surgeons to explain the procedure's limitations, such as how skin lines will come together without dog ears or excessive tissue left behind in the armpit. Dispelling unrealistic ideas about scar-free surgery, especially with anchor-hook or double-incision procedures, can help prevent disappointment. Reconstructive chest surgery, commonly referred to as 'top surgery' is typically sought by trans people who were presumed female at birth (), including men and non-binary people, to remove breast tissue and sculpt the chest into a pectoral form.While binding is an effective form of flattening chest tissue, it can cause pain, and respiratory and skin complications when used inappropriately . I will be a freer person. and made me feel exposed in a way I had never experienced and could barely understand. I was convinced my life had been ruined. Tosh said insurance can be hit or miss, but to remember that theres always an opportunity to appeal. Just like you don't need testosterone to be transmasculine, top surgery doesn't need to be a part of your gender journey. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I would later learn the stipulations are largely the same with or without insurance (meaning, if one pays for top surgery out of pocket, the surgeon will also ask that certain prerequisites to be met). By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Non-binary queer femme, health educator, and intersectional feminist. Dad wanted to be sure I was not being pressured into surgery. When I told my parents about my desire for top surgery, both had questions about why I would want to permanently modify my body. , spoke to Bustle about their decisions to get top surgery was 20, cause then Id have gotten! Am undergoing a FTM procedure large extent, you hurt my feelings said insurance can be dangerous for people every... 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